Dear Brother,
Wow! I can't believe it's been a week and a half since you left us to be with God and Granny in heaven. It seems like it was only a day or so ago that I received the call from our sister that changed everything. At first, I was in denial, but now, I'm full of this deep sadness. The simplest activities take great effort. I know that in time, living life without you here will get easier, but this pain will never go away.
I'm so sorry, brother, for having such an attitude. I was fed up with you when I should've only loved you more. Even though you acted out, kindness and support was what you needed, and I'll have to live with the regret that I didn't always show you that I cared. I love you so much brother, and if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't let a day go by without telling you "I love you". You were so good at pushing everyone's buttons and you loved to create conflict. Debates were fun for you. I just hope you knew that even though you were great at irritating me, I love you so very much.
I am thankful that you lived your life to the fullest. 32 years was all you were able to live on this earth, but you made the most of it. We were all so worried about you when you did crazy stuff, but now, I'm glad you did. You made the most out of a crappy deck of cards, and I admire you for that. I am also thankful that you created life. You are still here with us through your daughter, Allie. I've always loved her, but I love her even more now. When I hug her and tell her I love her, I think of you, that she is what we have left of you. She is so much like you, the good and the bad, and I love it all. Don't worry, brother, we'll make sure she's always taken care of and that she always knows she's loved.
Losing you has been extremely difficult for all of us, but it has hit mom the hardest. She took care of you day in and day out, and all of a sudden you're gone. You won't be here every day when she gets home from work, she'll be alone now. I'm glad you started to show her how much you loved her in the months before you left us, it means so much to all of us. She worked hard to take care of you, but of course you know that, and she deserves to know she's loved and appreciated. Dealing with this has already been difficult, but I'm scared of what will happen when everything goes back to some version of normal. I'll go back to school, she'll go back to work. That's when the reality that you're no longer with us will hit us all. Mom, and the rest of us just hope you're happy, and we're not sad for you, we're sad for us. We miss you brother, so very much.
Your service was beautiful. I'm not sure if you were able to see it in heaven, but you were all decked out in Duke gear. Pastor Tim did a fantastic job preaching to the crowd about you and how much you wanted everyone to be in church. I don't think you knew it when you were alive, but you touched so many lives. The church was packed that day, brother, and everyone was there for you. If you didn't see your funeral, you must've been watching the Duke game, because they won. I know in my heart that was for you, brother.
I know you, the comedian, wouldn't want us to be sad, but it's unbelievably hard not to be right now. We're all supporting each other in this difficult time, and we've got so much outside support. We'll be fine in time, brother, so you just rest easy now, and keep the folks in heaven entertained. Someday, we'll all be together again. I love you, we all love you!
Love, your sister, Jessica