One of the biggest leaps forward on my healing journey happened when I learned to validate my own emotions. Emotional neglect has left me with these big emotions that I didn’t know how to regulate and didn’t think were valid in the first place.
I started this process working on self-love, and finding ways to meet my own needs. This involved changing my internal dialogue, spending more time being present with myself, doing things I simply enjoy, and learning to disengage with others when they impact me negatively. This takes practice. I’m still learning to love myself, and that’s okay.
In February of 2021, I attended the True Love Summit. We were given a 5 step Self-Love Formula. Anytime I felt triggered, I would go through these steps.
- Self-compassion: Am I being compassionate to myself right now? If you’re anything like me, the answer will be no. You’ll have to snap yourself out of your negative internal dialogue and remember to treat yourself as you would treat a close friend.
- Self-worth: Remind yourself you are worthy, just by existing. You don’t need to do or be anything to be worthy. When your self-worth is tied up in what you do for others or your success in life, it’s easy to beat yourself up for not doing or being enough. You will become more confident the more you act from a place of believing you’re worthy, even if you don’t believe it yet.
- Self-validation: This is all about giving yourself credit, in the moment, for progress you’re making. When you notice yourself reacting differently than you would have in the past, this is when the breakthrough happens. The first time I stopped myself from immediately reacting to a trigger and was able to validate myself for that, I knew I was on the right track.
- Self-Care: This is all about noticing uncomfortable feelings, and meeting your own needs in a loving way. After being triggered, maybe you need time alone, to move your body, or to turn off your phone. Maybe you need to set a boundary with someone. It’s important to check in with this step, because your needs will change depending on the situation.
- Self-Gratitude: This step is all about recognizing all the amazing parts of who you are in this moment. This step may be hard at first, but eventually, it will get easier and your list will get longer.
Anytime I felt myself getting triggered, I would open the Notes app on my phone and write out responses to these steps. Instead of reacting to negative emotions, this allowed me to become more self-aware, and respond with love for myself and others. If you’re on this journey and don’t have skills for managing triggers, try out these steps. Maybe they will help you as much as they helped me.