I’ve always struggled staying new places; this has only become more obvious as I’ve become less adaptable with age and burnout. I need to be in a familiar, comfortable environment where I know exactly what to expect and can follow my own routine. This has always been the case; but as a child, for example, I did not have a say in where I went or where I would have to stay.
I liked going on trips and of course I wanted to be included, but the change in environment that seemed to be no big deal to everyone else always threw me for a loop. On family vacations as a child, I would try to make sure I at least had a bed to myself. In most cases, multiple people would sleep in one room. This was very draining for me, so I would spend time alone whenever possible. I could still hear everyone else, and that was good enough for me. Occasionally people would ask if I was okay, and my mom would tell them I was fine.
In 2014 I went on a big family trip to the mountains, and I had the best time. We stayed in a three-story cabin and I was able to have my own room and bathroom on the third floor! I could hang out with everyone downstairs or on the porch, and then disappear into my own space as much as needed. They all went on outings; I chose to enjoy the cool mountain air and peace and quiet. Sadly, I haven’t been on vacations with family in many years, but that’s okay. I really need my own space, I need to know exactly what to expect, I need a lot of downtime, and I need to be selective about the activities I choose to do. If I am miserable, other people will feel it, and I don’t want to bring anyone down. It’s likely I was more difficult to deal with than I realized for so many reasons, so I’m okay with staying home.
In 2012, a close friend, Ashley, and I went to the NFB state convention. Because we were students, they crammed 4 people into a room meant for 2 people. Ashley and I were both miserable, couldn’t sleep, and hot. So, we decided to wander around outside in the middle of the night. If I’d known that was what we were signing up for, I would have happily paid extra for us to have a more comfortable sleeping environment.
In 2015, 2016, and 2017, I went to the National Federation of the Blind convention in Florida. I only roomed with people I was close to and felt comfortable with, and mostly avoided convention-related activities all three years.
In 2023, I took the train to Virginia to visit someone for the first time. This was a big deal then, because it was the first time I’d traveled in many years. Before the trip, I was given the option of sleeping with him or downstairs on a futon. That did not feel like a choice at all, because being in a new place, in the middle of everything or sleeping in a room with a door that could be closed. Yeah, no brainer. That just also meant not having my own personal space.
I wish I could be one of those people who could go wherever, sleep wherever, and fill all their days with fun activities. This has never been me, and will never be me.
He and his friends/roommates really wanted to take me out to a pizza place they loved. I am not much of a pizza person, and I’ve never really enjoyed eating at restaurants. I was just starting to learn about myself, so I was aware crowds and noise were going to be a problem for me. I meant to read the menu ahead of time and pick out what I wanted, but I forgot, so I was forced to do so at the restaurant with all the extra noise. It was nice to get out and do something, but that outing was more about them than it was about me. I was very happy when it was over.
Later in 2023, I hit burnout. I got to the point where I couldn’t handle any socializing and intentionally skipped family gatherings. As I’ve learned about myself and made sense of my experiences, I have begun incorporating some events back into my life.
In January of 2026, a group of friends, including Ashley, visited my house for a few hours. I did well, since I was in my own environment. I felt like a younger version of myself while they were visiting. We took pictures together and everything! It was great!
Since then, Ashley has been back a few times to spend weekends with me and my partner. She knows all about my journey and completely understands everything! So, when she asked us to visit her for a change, I agreed. This was a big deal because it was the first time I’d stay somewhere that wasn’t my home or my childhood home since May of 2023, as well as the first time since learning about myself and the first time since burnout.
The first thing she did to help me was send me videos to show me the layout of her place. This helped because I could imagine myself in the space, so when I saw it for the first time, it would already feel familiar. I already knew what the kitchen situation would be like, what the bathroom situation would be like, and where I would be sleeping.
In addition to clothing and toiletry items, I also took the food I eat every morning and the coffee I drink. This allowed me to ease the transition and maintain some of my normal routine.
As I do before any trip, I made lists of everything I would need, and packed it as soon as I’d used the items for the last time. This makes the amount of things to pack feel less overwhelming and ensures nothing important gets left behind.
When we arrived, my sister walked the space with me for the first time. This satisfied her curiosity and allowed me time to familiarize myself with the space before she left.
Ashley and my partner understand my need for co-regulation and could have stepped in if I struggled at any point. However, I did not struggle. We didn’t have anything we had to do, so we got to just hang out and enjoy being together. We read books, played games, made food, and talked a lot about anything and everything. It was so good to get away, and we enjoyed the peace and quiet. I want to go back and stay longer!
I am so grateful to have some truly amazing people in my life who appreciate me, understand me, listen to me, and accept me as I am. We can all just be there for one another and it’s such a relief!
With them by my side, maybe I could travel again? I’d love to take a trip to the beach for starters, if I could come up with the funds necessary to make it happen!
To anyone who needs to know exactly what to expect, makes lists about everything, needs their own space, requires a lot of down time, and has to take their own food on trips, you are not alone and it’s okay. I hope you feel seen by this post and that you have people around you who get it!
Thanks for reading!