As someone who has lived with a visual impairment for my entire life, I am used to the ridiculous assumptions sighted people make about visually impaired people, as well as people with disabilities in general. For the most part, I enjoy tackling the task of changing the perceptions of sighted people around me, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't get to me sometimes. This is how I'm feeling at the current time, and you can all thank my grandma for this. I love her very much, but discovering that she's just like the rest of the sighted population was a blow I wasn't ready for.
On the way home from college Friday, Grandma and I were having a discussion about my lease ending in July. I mentioned something about needing to get a storage unit for all the furniture I have. She said she didn't see the point in paying money for something every month, for stuff I'll never use. Shocked, I responded with, "So, you expect me to live with my mom for my entire life?" She was like, "Well, what are your goals?" Frustrated and devastated all at once, I didn't respond. My goal right now is to get through school... I feel like that's what I need to focus on. However, you'd think that she'd know I want to live a productive life, and that cannot happen cooped up in my mom's house. I mean, why does she think I moved to Raleigh for two years? I needed my independence, to make it on my own. Another thing my grandma keeps saying is that she's ready for my lease to be over so I can help my mom more, which really means, give her money. This infuriates me every time I hear it, because I help my mom as best I can. I pay my part of the cell phone bill every month, and once I'm done with my lease, I have no problem helping out with another bill. What my grandma really wants without saying it is for me to give my entire check to my mom. That will never happen, sorry Grandma.
Then, as if suffering in silence all weekend wasn’t bad enough, she made another comment while we were driving back to campus. She referred to my stay in Raleigh as a “hard lesson”, and when I asked her what she meant, she refused to answer me. I am so frustrated with her attitude at this point, I could just burst. I just kept my cool, though. What else is there to do? I talked to my mom about all this last night, and she completely understands how I’m feeling. This, of course, makes me feel a little better, that at least I’m understood by somebody, but I really want my grandma to stop making me feel like crap. Living in Raleigh was NOT a mistake, it was the best decision for me at the time. I lived there for two years, without help from any of the family., and guess what? My only income was an SSI check. My mom also pointed out that my grandma is, and has always been very controlling. She wants everyone to do things the way she thinks they should do them, and if they don’t, then they’re wrong. She thinks paying for a storage unit would be a waste of money (money that I could hand over to my mom on a silver platter), so I shouldn’t get one. I should just give all of my furniture away and live with my mom for the rest of my sad little disabled girl life.
I know it may seem like I’m overreacting to some of you, but I really am not. Also, my grandma is not the only family member who has made horrible comments like this. Right after my brother’s death, we were talking about my niece getting Jonathan’s SSI check. We called Social Security to see if that was possible, but it wasn’t, because she is not disabled and Jonathan only received SSI, not SSDI. This is when my aunt said, “I’m glad she can’t get a check, because that means she is whole and happy.” I am disabled, so what that says to me is that because my eyes don’t function as well as the average person’s, I am somehow incomplete. She told me not to be offended when she saw my reaction, but I don’t see how it’s possible not to be. I mean these are people that I interact with all the time. If I can’t change their perceptions of people with disabilities, how on earth do I expect to be able to change the perceptions of complete strangers?