On April 25th, Uranus will enter Gemini for the final time after being in Taurus since May of 2018. This has a lot of implications for us as a collective. I recommend checking out The Astrology Podcast for more on that, but we have all experienced this transit individually as well. Depending on where Taurus falls in your chart, and the configuration of your other placements, this may have been easy/subtle or difficult/disruptive.
For me, Uranus was transiting through my 11th house of friends and groups, and since the ruler of Taurus, Venus, is in my 12th house, my mental health has been significantly affected by these changes. I've actually written about this to some extent previously, as there were eclipses bouncing back and forth between my 5th and 11th houses, creating endings and new beginnings in those areas. You're welcome to read about that in 2 Years of Growth.
I have also written about How Astrology Helped Me Understand Patterns in My Life, and in that you can read about how people come into my life through my 11th house of friends and groups and impact my mental health and living situation. With anything in Astrology, you know you're on the right track when you can find multiple techniques that confirm your findings.
Normally, I don't recommend putting much emphasis on Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. These planets are not visible and were not a part of ancient Astrology. I still use traditional rulers and consider these to be more generational planets since they move so slowly. However, it is because of the slow-moving nature of Uranus that we can track the changes in our life as it goes through a specific house. In this post, we're going to focus on the impact Uranus, the planet of sudden disruptions, has had on my 11th house of friends and groups.
Uranus first entered Taurus in May of 2018. At this time, I saw myself as the caregiver of my friend group. I took people into my home believing I could teach them independent living skills, and help them learn to live successful lives. Along with my friends, I was attempting to obtain employment. It's funny, because my need to know exactly what to expect in the hiring process caused me to miss out on the job that a few of my friends easily obtained. We were also working as volunteers, teaching blind and visually impaired people to use iPads. This supposedly could have turned into a paid job, but it wasn't likely considering I was already running into issues with workplace hierarchy. As a volunteer, I was supposed to help people as needed. Instead, I ended up teaching the class. The same thing happened to my other friends, but they ended up quitting early since, unlike me, they were able to find paid employment elsewhere. At this time, I was also dealing with my mom's health issues. It wasn't uncommon for me to have to drop everything I was doing and take an Uber to her house to sit with her until the episode passed. So, people tell me it was for the best that I missed out on the paid job opportunity. Now, I can say that is definitely true, but the reasons why are beyond the scope of this post.
By the fall of 2018, I was attempting to integrate into friend groups online. During the time Uranus was retrograde but still in Taurus, I was introduced to a new person and started to include him as a part of my friend group. I had a lot of rigid beliefs about what it meant to be a friend, loyalty and reliability, as well as what it meant to be an adult and how I should handle things such as storms. Instead of going to stay with my mom during a hurricane, I opted to stay home. A few friends stayed with me, and we all felt responsible for each other, even putting all the mattresses in the living room to ride the storm out together. This is what I have always wanted, what I have always considered friendship to be, a community that supports and looks out for one another. However, I have never handled storms well. So, in addition to the people who were experiencing the storm with me, I stayed connected via an app called TeamTalk to a couple of other friends, one of them being the person I was just getting to know. Their calmness throughout the whole thing helped me stay as regulated as possible. As a friend, I would say I expected them to do that for me, and I would have done the same for them. I did not think this was unreasonable, and they did not treat me as if it was unreasonable at the time.
As 2019 progressed, and I spent time with larger groups of people who I did not know as well, my difficulties in groups became more and more pronounced. It was clear there was a disconnect between how I was experiencing interactions and how others were perceiving me, in addition to expectations I had for what it meant to be in a friend group. I thought everyone should be treated equally, but that was not the case; of course, I was the problem for calling this out. I was called combative, and people didn't understand my sensitivity around being excluded, because I supposedly “never talked."
The two friends who stayed on TeamTalk with me became my closest friends. I thought we were all on the same page with our friendship, but it turned out they were secretly hooking up behind my back. This was a shock, and I didn’t understand why they hid that from me. If we were close, why couldn’t they just tell me what was going on? I felt like I could tell them things, and when things happened in my life, I wanted them to know. Even though I was hurt, I let it go and continued to spend time with them. We started calling ourselves Cluster from the show Sense 8, and this was supposed to mean we had a deep, special connection.
By June of 2019, I felt like everyone was just going through the motions, lying to each other. I didn't think I actually meant anything to anyone, and when my family wanted to have a birthday party for me, I wasn't having it. It felt like they wanted to have a get together, because that is what they were expected to do, and that people who don't even like me would come and be fake with me. I just didn't have the energy for it.
In August of 2019, Cluster asked if I wanted to become a throuple with them. I was caught off guard, and told them I would need time to process the question. The conversation never came up again.
In early September, while Uranus was retrograde, there was a threat of another hurricane. Thoroughly traumatized from the previous year, I asked Cluster to stay with me, as they had before. This time, they were not so understanding. There were people physically with me, so they chose not to be around. Of course this hurt, and as I always did when something went wrong, I attempted to address this with them. This led to one of them lashing out via text message on behalf of the other. In reading the message it became very clear to me that their experience of me was completely different than who I believed myself to be. For example, I was called a liar. This confused me more than anything, because I hate lies and struggle to tell them even when you're supposed to... However, I am only human, so it's possible. And if I didn't but they think I did, does it even matter if I did or didn't? They saw me as a liar. Additionally, the message told me to look in the mirror. It was clear to me that I was unintentionally causing them a great deal of distress, and it seemed like they wanted me to go away, so I did. I never blocked them, but I didn't reply. At first, I thought maybe they would reach out and apologize within a couple of days. When that didn't happen, I assumed they were happier without me. We did not speak for 3 months.
In December, they wrote me a letter and we had a conversation about how things should be different, mainly that I didn't want them to discuss my behavior with people who didn't even know me because that seemed unfair. Things only got worse between me and one of these friends after this point. Both of them would disappear for months and she would refuse to respond to me when I would reach out about how I was feeling. It became evident that there would never be any compromise. I had to swallow my feelings for any closeness and any time spent would be on their terms.
2020 brought a lot of chaos, including an abusive relationship, mostly living at my mom's, being dragged into disciplining a teenager, and losing friends. The loss that hurt the most was the friend who literally helped me with everything, for years. She just up and left one day with no warning. Other people blamed me for things I had no control over, such as how other people choose to spend their money and who they would or wouldn't buy food for. They also lashed out at me for things they felt I should change about myself, because they thought my behavior was ridiculous.
By July of 2020, I was back home again and attempting to pick up the broken pieces of my life. During this year, something started changing in me. I started seeing myself differently. I started slowly finding ways to better myself. I stopped reacting to every rejection, and let my friends do what they wanted and come around whenever they felt like it. I enjoyed their company but accepted the fact that we were never going to be on the same page.
In 2021, I started creating content on TikTok and connecting with other blind and visually impaired people there. I was actively podcasting as well, and apparently being judged by friends for the devices money was being spent on for me to cover. I thought I was helping people, and you could argue that I was, but the people who were supposed to be the closest to me weren't even supportive. In November, I joined a group for blind and visually impaired women, thinking I could make friendships just like other people could. Spoiler alert, I could not.
The group appeared to be a somewhat small, tight-knit, supportive community. This was not the case. When they invited me to join, they also added a bunch of other people. There were around 30 participants. I quickly discovered it was extremely difficult for me to work up the nerve to record a message. When I did so, it felt scripted and inauthentic. Even when it was something I was passionate about, I struggled to connect with others. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out when to say anything and what I should say. They would have regular calls on Google Meet, and I would try to join them, but they were a nightmare. There was all kinds of extra noise and people talking over each other. I didn't know when to speak, and even when I did, it seemed like I just embarrassed myself. In January of 2022, I clashed with a girl who had a lot of influence in the group. She had been there longer, it seemed like several of the other admins were close to her, etc. I reacted to something she said in a way I wasn't proud of, and when I reached out to her privately to apologize, she ignored me. This made me feel like I should just leave, but other admins begged me to stay. Another issue I had was that it seemed people just used the group I was added to as the bottom rung of a ladder to get into the other groups, such as a mixed group of men and women. When I asked about being added to other groups, I was told that could only happen through participation on calls. Then, I attempted to join in on a walking group, and made them so uncomfortable that they intentionally stopped sharing the link to join in the group I was in. I stuck with this group, even after feeling excluded, even after being aware of all the other groups I could never join because that one person didn't like me, even after feeling like it didn't matter if I was there... until they finally kicked me out of the group just before the election in 2024. Probably the worst timing, but that's how it goes.
In 2023, after doing a lot of work on myself, I wanted to branch out and make new friends. When someone on Mastodon invited me up on their TeamTalk server, I decided to give it a shot. I pretty much never said a word, just listened to conversations going on around me. This was fine except that the group was nothing like me. I couldn’t be myself. Once the group found out about things that matter to me and my interests, I was ejected from the group. This whole ordeal has been previously written about from the angle of the so-called relationship I found myself in during that time, and the burnout that came as a result.
Since then, I have intentionally kept my circle very small. The benefit of going through all of this is that I am now very aware of who I am, what I need, and how I struggle with other people. It’s all just normal until it isn’t, and then there is no going back. I have been a pain in the ass my entire life and had absolutely no idea. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a disappointment to others, and that others will let me down as well. Whatever the expected response is to anything I do, other people are going to give me the opposite. Uranus showed me that.
In a lot of cases throughout my life, even in my own family, I have been on the outside of the group looking in. I can feel connected to others just by being with them, but others do not feel the same way about me. I have been very much humbled during this transit. Whereas I used to weaponize ableism against myself and others, and believe I had some great purpose in this world, now I am just trying to make a positive impact in small moments whenever possible. This blog is a part of that, I think.
This all may sound negative, but it mostly isn’t. I am happier without the drama that groups bring into my life. I like my solitude, my daily routine, and the amazing relationship I have with a couple of people who understand me and my struggles, and who have stuck by me for years.
I am coming out of burnout, feeling more like myself again, and looking to connect with others in a realistic, sustainable way. However, groups will never be my thing, and I'm realizing that has to be okay.
If you’ve read this, thank you! What house was Uranus transiting for you? Have you noticed a change in that area of life? I’d love to know!