In April of 2024, someone who was very special to me cut me off unexpectedly. I have been grieving the loss of this person ever since. Writing is therapeutic for me, it’s one of the most effective tools I have for making sense of my experiences. When it comes to this situation in particular, I have shared multiple posts about it and referenced it in others as I’ve worked to process grief. Although not directly related to this situation, I recently shared a post about Uranus in Taurus which sheds some light on the backstory of our turbulent relationship.
Before we began dating in 2024, my now partner chose to block the person I’ve been struggling to let go of. This decision was not made because of me or for my benefit. They’d broken up months before, and he wanted to sever contact so she could move on. After we became a couple, she found ways to reach out anyway, such as using Discord or leaving him voicemails. He blocked her on Discord, and the voicemails eventually stopped, so we thought maybe she’d finally let go. However, once I sent her the letter in October, I became curious whether or not she’d been sending him iMessages all this time, which would not have been delivered while she was blocked. He unblocked her for me. In March, she reached out. It was obvious she just wanted an excuse to talk to him, but since I wanted to know how she was doing and what was new in her life, he struck up a conversation with her. This helped me immensely.
Ready to end the conversation, he asked if I was satisfied with the information I had. I told him my only remaining question was whether or not she received the letter in October. He asked her, and she seemed eager to know who the letter was from while claiming she never received anything. He asked me if he could send it to her, and having nothing to lose, I allowed it. The letter, which was an rtf file was pasted directly into the text thread. The conversation continued, but there was no acknowledgment of the letter whatsoever. I would have understood needing time to process what was written, but there was nothing and that says everything. Additionally, she was asking to call him, which also felt like a power play. I would have heard him talking to her knowing she acts as if I don’t exist. She only got the contact with him she wanted because of me, and still I mean nothing to her. He broke her heart, and she continues making regular bids for connection with him.
Unfortunately for her, he is only keeping the lines of communication open until music they worked on together is released. Since the initial conversation fizzled out, she has reached out a couple more times. The most interesting thing to me has been that while she continues those apparent bids for connection, she did not wish him a happy birthday. It seems like the manipulative tactics are being used on him as well.
This all has helped me significantly, and I finally feel like I have the closure I’ve needed for years. When I wrote her that letter, I never intended to receive feedback on how it was received or to know if it was read. Although being rejected in realtime did sting a bit, it came with acceptance that I’ve done everything I could. I can’t change her perception of me; nothing I say will change her mind. So, I can be the villain in her story, she can blame me for everything that went wrong. And, honestly I understand the urge to find someone to blame when you don’t like how things turned out. However, given everything I know now, it seems like she should be happier, like she has moved on and should be willing to let go of her grudge. Maybe things aren’t as great as they seem.
Still, I wish her the best and I remain grateful for the time we had together, as well as the growth and self-awareness that came as a result.
The initial door slam was the closure, but the outright rejection finally let me see it. I can say without a doubt, I am healing; I no longer want contact with her when at one point, I would have loved the opportunity to reach some understanding. But now, let’s close this chapter, with love. Goodbye.